Writing as a Parent

Writing is hard. It takes time, commitment, focus, and passion to do right. It is thrilling when you complete a project, or have another seemingly great idea. Watching eloquent words flow from your fingertips either onto paper or a screen can make you smile. There are definite challenges to it, though. Everything from your current stage of life to what you had for dinner seems to impact your ability to write. In this post, I want to share how I managed to write while being a full-time parent.

Parenting, is a wonderful paradox. On the one hand, you have the pleasure and privilege of teaching devoted young minds how to operate in the world. They can be silly, a bit chaotic, and surprisingly insightful at times. On the other hand, children's needs draw out everything you have. They need to be fed, clothed, protected, guided, comforted, loved, cleaned, etc. The list can go on for a long, long time. Most parents, appropriately, place these needs as major priorities in their lives. I know I do, for example. What that prioritization does, however is limit the energy and time one has to pursue other passions.

Before I go on, I need to express a caveat. There are many very good reasons to put one's passion projects or hobbies on hold. Kids and parenting is one of them. Nowhere am I arguing that writing (or any other hobby) should be prioritized above them. I am simply going to share how I've found time and energy to pursue what I love to do without compromising the most important parts of my daily life.

The first thing I do for managing my writing as a parent of young kids is to set a goal. I've discussed goals in a separate post (check it out here), but having something to aim for allows me to keep writing without getting stuck. They don't have to be lofty or extreme. Even something as simple as coming up with an idea or outline for a story before the year ends can be a spark. Having something to aim for draws your eyes upwards to see beyond your daily routines.

Secondly, you need grace. I don't mean graceful movements or a friend with that name. I mean you need to allow yourself to fail without giving up. Sometimes, if I fail at something (missing a day of writing that I've scheduled, not reached a goal I've set, etc.), I tell myself the next day that I shouldn't try anymore since I failed already. That's a horrible mentality that I fight regularly. Give yourself some grace to acknowledge an error and try again. Grace also means if your life is very hard right now, it's OK to not get as much done. Whatever the challenge is (children not sleeping through the night, sickness, etc.), it is OK to rest sometimes. Remember your priorities and give yourself space to manage those well.

A third thing I do is sacrifice. I know it sounds contradictory to grace, but it works. Sacrifice here doesn't mean giving up essential things like time with your family. It means finding things that can be removed for the sake of writing. What those are will look different for every person. Sleep may be crucial for some people, but I've sacrificed some of that to schedule my writing time early in the morning (like 4:45 early). You may be unwilling to cut out other hobbies because of various reasons, but those were another thing that I removed. It's not that I don't enjoy those things anymore (D&D, reading, board games, etc.), I have just prioritized writing over them. Again, this is something each person needs to consider carefully. I'm not suggesting writing needs to become your sole hobby or focus outside of family. I do think that, if you want to write in the midst of a chaotic family life, you need to be cutting something out to make it a priority.

Finally, I think you need consistency in writing. An important thing to remember is that consistency is not constancy. Sticking to the theme of grace above, you can be consistent in your writing while skipping days because other priorities need attention. Don't beat yourself up about it and keep moving forward. There are two things I find particularly helpful in writing consistently as a parent. First, I have a writing schedule. I set apart a specific time of day (early mornings for me) where the kids are still asleep and I can focus on writing. This can be any time of day you can normally focus without distractions. Even if all you get written during that time is a sentence or two, it's a set time. The second thing I think is important is support. I am lucky enough to get this from a lot of different places in my life. One great way to find support for writing is to find a writing group. I'll be writing another post next time on how valuable a writing group is, but one of its major benefits is that it provides support and encouragement for writing. If you can't find a writing group at your local library or bookstore or even searching online, you can always start one. Having those people encouraging you to keep going can be a strong motivator to keep writing.

Parenting and writing are both hard, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive. They are both worthwhile pursuits with valuable outcomes. Keep your priorities straight, set your goals, give yourself grace, sacrifice where you need to, and be consistent. It sounds like a lot, but it can be done. Have fun!